Session 1: Looking Back
SESSION 2: Dad
SUMMARY FOR MAN AND HIS DAD (AUTHENTIC MANHOOD VOLUME 2 SECTION 2)
A. Some definitions
Wound : Any unresolved issue where a lack of closure adversely impacts and shapes the direction and dynamics of a man’s life now.
Father Wound : It’s an ongoing emotional, social, or spiritual deficit that’s caused by the lack of healthy relationship with dad and now must be overcome by other means. It was caused when there was a lack of heart connection, or companionship or substantive direction from dad..
B. Three common responses to the father wound
1. Anger and pain – without a dad, there is a vacuum in a son’s life and part what fills that vacuum is rage. (Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21)
2. The bottling up of feelings – To pretend like you are not affected; you can never completely bottle it up, it will express itself somehow; unhealthy ways of this hunger could find it’s way to the surface in (Addictions/obsessions, Drugs/pornography/excessive alcohol, performance)
3. An inner sense of lost or incompleteness – Incompleteness could be relational, which we never felt accepted or validated by dad; also it could be informational, dad didn’t teach us to shave or to balance a checking account or how to pursue a woman, etc.
Every son needs from dad (for you to prepare yourself to be father):
1. Quality Time together
2. Life skills
3. Direction with solid answers to the WHY questions of life (e.g. purpose of life…)
4. Deep life convictions – you will leave in your son what you have lived out in your home.
5. Dad’s heart – I love you; I’m proud of you; I’m affirming you
Session 3: Mom
SUMMARY FOR MAN AND HIS MOM (AUTHENTIC MANHOOD VOLUME 2 SECTION 3)
Here is summary of Man and His Mom (part 1)
The mother/son relationship is an important part of who you are - the way your mom has handled your needs as a child has shaped you relationships, your marriage, your career, your self-image, your worldview and your life (The Mom Factor, by Henry Cloud)
A. Healthy relationship with mom requires an EMOTIONAL separation from mom when a boy transitions to manhood, otherwise :
A1. Many men are left deeply entrenched or overly connected with mom.
A2. Men who are overly connected to mom can feel like their masculinity is FRAGILE
A3. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and HOLD FAST to his wife and they shall become one flesh" Genesis 2:24
B. Mother wound and its effects:
B1. Mother Wound: An UNHEALTHY emotional relationship with mom that causes a son either be threatened by the influence of women later on in life or to over-identify and become submissive to the influence of women.
B2. Men with a mother wound will often drift to one of the two extremes in how they relate to women. They often become either DOMINANT males or SOFT males, where: DOMINANT males -- too CONTROL towards women; SOFT males -- become PASSIVE and SUBMISSIVE toward women
C. Common characteristics of the mother wound
C1. Usually, the mother wound is not one of inattention but over-attention
C2. This wound often begins with an absent or distant father
C3. Marion Levy writes that modern man are overwhelmingly likely to have been reared under the direct domination and supervision of females from birth to maturity.
D. Four types of moms that contribute to the mother wound
D1. The INTENTIONAL mom - she stays oblivious to her son's need to connect with other men and to make a healthy break with her
D2. The HURTING mom - she lost emotional connection with her husband and makes up for this by over-connecting to her son.
D3. The UNWILLING to RELEASE mom - oftentimes, these moms have dominant personalities and they simply love to be in control.
D4. The FILL-IN-THE-GAP mom - as dad not there, these moms have to fill too many gaps but it could lead to over-connection and dependence (similar to the Hurting mom)
E. Learn from Jesus:
E1 Jesus set healthy boundaries with His mom (when He had conflict with His mom at Mark 3:20, 31-35)
E2 Jesus told care and provide for His Mom at John 19:25-27